A Hand of Father - Chapter 3

Four days later, the smell of Jing tea mixed with the dusty odor of old tomes in my office in the Temple of Balance. I stared at White Eagle, the Duke of Standora and Lord General of the Queen’s Army, who sat in a visitor chair on the other side of my desk.

Luc did the same from his seat next to White Eagle.

“Are you jesting with us, Your Grace?” I blurted.

“Do I look like I am joking, Chief Justice?” he said before scowling at me.

“B-but neither I nor High Brother Luc are in any shape to travel to Diné, much less lead a diplomatic delegation.” I squeezed my cup, wishing the warmth of the ceramic would heat the bones of my hands. Ever since Ming Wei pulled me from the brink of succumbing to the demon grimoire, I felt constantly chilled. Not even sitting in the Temple kitchen while our cook Deborah baked could heat my body, much less my spirit.

“The Matriarch of the Diné requested you two specifically.” A twitch of White Eagle’s lips wouldn’t qualify as a smile on anyone else, but it was the closest the duke had come to expressing any emotion in my presence. “Apparently, you two made an impression on their Reverend Father of Conflict, and the Diné refuse to speak with anyone else from Issura.”

I cleared my throat. It would be best to get things out in the open now, no matter how annoyed the duke may become with me.

“Are you aware the Reverend Father happens to be my biological sire, Your Grace?”

“Better him than me.” The duke waggled his eyebrows. A full-fledged grin filled his face.

I stared at him. “This isn’t funny.”

“Your Grace, with all due respect,” Luc said firmly. “There’s been quite a bit of trauma between the two of us.”

“High Sister Mya has assured the other seats the chief justice is mentally stable enough to resume her duties.” White Feather’s eyes narrowed. “And I’ve heard your fighting abilities with your crutches exceed your skill with a sword when you are not indulging in Vintner’s gifts. Is there something else you’re hiding besides your personal intimate relations that would inhibit either of your diplomatic skills?”

“It sounds like Your Grace is aware of our multitude of sins,” Luc said dryly.

Balance help me, there was one last sin. But if I admitted to the possession of the damn grimoire, every seat of Orrin and every member of my staff faced losing their heads in their conspiracy to free me from the demons’ influence. Or maybe that’s what our enemies were hoping for.

“We’re both concerned about the priestesses with child under our roofs, Your Grace,” I murmured. “Especially after Gerd killed the babe Sister Claudia of Love carried.”

The duke’s nostrils flared. “You killed Gerd in defense of your fellow clergy, did you not?”

“Yes, Your Grace.” Balance, I wanted to shake some sense into him.

“She’s dead. Your priestesses are safe. And you are both going to Diné, Chief Justice, and High Brother Luc will accompany you. That is a command from your orders’ leaders and your queen.” The duke saluted me with his cup. “End of discussion.”

“My Reverend Mother agreed to this?” I said.

White Feather looked at Luc. “She truly does not understand what ‘end of discussion’ means, does she?”

“Only when she says it, Your Grace.”

I could handle the jibes, but I clenched my fists on my lap. A terrible fear had hit me, and again, if I said the wrong thing, more people than me would lose their heads.

“Forgive my bad manners, Your Grace,” I murmured.

A hint of sympathy crossed his features. “Anthea, if I was forced to kill my mother, I would need the care of Child, too. There’s no shame in admitting you need their help, anymore than if you needed to see a healer for a physical injury. I know you’re afraid, but you need to move on. And you know Thief will let us know if you two fail to go.”

For the briefest of moments, I almost told him of our suspicions concerning my own Reverend Mother. The duke had been a Conflict priest himself before he’d received a special dispensation to marry Crown Princess Chiara. But what if the Reverend Mother had twisted his perceptions? Or those of the queen or the crown princess?

Instead, I swallowed the accusations and said, “Yes, Your Grace.”

“However, you two handled the siege admirably and managed to evacuate most of the populace…” While he spoke, the duke reached for a scrap piece of parchment. Using the ink and quill my clerks left on my desk, he scribbled something, sanded it dry, and handed the note to Luc.

Luc’s eyes widened as he read. He looked at me. The queen doesn’t trust the heads of our Temples. She fears it’s more complicated than a few spies within.

The duke didn’t aske me to ward my office because doing so would alert his escort that secrets were being shared. I turned to him and nodded once.

“…both the queen and your superiors trust you to accomplish these negotiations.” The duke pushed to his feet, and Luc and I automatically rose.

“We will not fail the queen,” I said. “Thank you for your trust.”

White Feather held up his right hand. “No need to escort me out, Chief Justice, High Brother. I must pay a visit to Duke Marco. Good morningtide to you both.”

Once he left my office, Luc and I stared at each other. It was the first time we’d been alone together since my mother had killed his son. The weight of this new task sat on the silence.

Luc lowered himself back to his chair and took a sip of tea.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I expected him to leave on the duke’s heels. So I resumed my seat as well. We definitely couldn’t discuss the duke’s note. At my pointed look at Luc’s hand, he stuff the scrap in the duke’s empty cup and concentrated. Wisps of smoke floated from the ceramic as the parchment smoldered.

Unfortunately, that meant we were back to staring at each other.

“I don’t know—” I started to say at the same moment he said, “I know you hate me—”

We both stopped and stared at each other again.

“I never hated you,” I murmured. “And you have every right to be angry with me—”

“I knew exactly what Gerd was capable of.” He exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair. His curls fell past his chin, far longer than he normally kept it, but his face was clean shaven, and he smelled like he’d bathed recently. “So did Claudia for that matter. You’re right. They are using our own idiocy against us.”

He looked at me. “If anything, I owe you an apology.”

“Me?”

“I bedded you because I knew you couldn’t conceive. It was…safe.” His skin turn crimson.

“You know you were assigned to me in the hope you would seduce me, don’t you?” I said.

“Wait. What?” He cocked his head.

“It was part of manipulating me.” I shook my head. “Give me someone to care about.” I waved my right hand. “And then, the edict—”

“Its purpose was to drive a wedge between us.” Disgust dripped from his voice.

“We do need children with Light and Balance talents.” I drummed my fingertips against the grain of my desktop. “It’s like I said the other day, and you did just now. Demons don’t feel emotions the same way we do. It had taken them nearly ten centuries to learn how we interact and function together.”

“So what do we do now?” he asked.

“Start preparing for the journey to Diné—” I said.

Luc chuckled. “No, I meant between you and me. Our personal relationship.”

Balance, help me, I didn’t want to lose him. But I had so much in my mind and spirit I needed to sort out. My feelings thundered over my training in logic. “Can we start over?” I asked. “Maybe not share a bed until we return from this diplomatic trip?”

He nodded slowly. “If that’s what you wish.” But from his tone, it wasn’t what he wanted.

“Luc, I’m scared.” My limbs trembled, and I hugged myself. “I came so close to being swallowed by the grimoire. Just like Gerd was. A-and I was about to strike Nathan. Possibly even kill him. I would have if Ming Wei hadn’t stopped me. I worry Mya is wrong, and I’m still under demon influence. I fear I’ll hurt or kill you when we’re out in the middle of the desert with no one else to keep me in check.”

He held out his right hand. After a moment, I unwrapped my arms and clasped his fingers with my left.

“You won’t do anything to harm me. Do you know why?”

I shook my head.

“Because you are stronger than they know. And despite anyone’s machinations, I love you, and you love me.” He squeezed my hand. “If that’s not enough, remember all the people who welcomed you home the other day. They all care about you, too.”

I returned the squeeze. “The same goes for you. Or is DiCook still banned from your Temple?”

“If you’re mocking me, then you have definitely recovered.” But Luc lift my hand and kissed the back. A flutter of desire ran through me despite my suggestion to start over with our relationship.

“If you miss my taunting, then thank you very much for bathing,” I responded.

He rose from his chair and grabbed his crutches. “And thank you for not stabbing me or beheading me.”

We both grinned, and he gave a slight bow before leaving my office.

Once Luc left, Warden Long Feather poked his head around the edge of the doorjamb. “Do you wish you door closed, m’lady?”

“Leave it open for now, Warden.”

“As you wish, m’lady.” He hesitated a moment.

“Is there something on your mind?” I asked. Long Feather wasn’t one to poke about the bush, but then he usually followed the chain of command. It left me a little curious about whatever subject he didn’t want to discuss with Little Bear.

“May I have your permission to speak freely and privately, Chief Justice?”

I nodded. He stepped into my office and closed the door behind him.

“I would like permission to accompany you on your diplomatic mission to Diné.”

I gestured for him to take a seat before I folded my hands on top of my desk. “Before you continue, have you considered that a great number of people who accompany me outside the walls of Orrin end up dead?”

“I am aware of the risks, m’lady.”

“Also, considering that the Duke of Standora literally just handed me the orders—” I held up the scroll he had delivered on behalf of the queen. “—I have to assume you were eavesdropping.”

“The High Brother of Thief has had his clergy and wardens training the rest of us in their techniques.” Long Feather’s skin remained its normal yellowish orange. “He pointed out we’ve been trying to catch up to the renegades. We need to get ahead.”

Apparently, Talbert and his people had been working hard for the two months I spent at Child. “What is your logic for joining this expedition?”

“Warden Gina has been teaching us the Diné language,” Long Feather said. “Given her proficiency, you will take her with you on your diplomatic mission in lieu of Chief Warden Little Bear. Also, it’s no secret Chief Justice Elizabeth has requested Gina’s services as her new chief warden. Given the crown’s trust in you as their representative, you will need someone fluent in Diné when she leaves. This mission will allow me to practice my language skills.”

“And eavesdrop some more?” I teased.

He smiled. “Only to protect you and the interests of the queen, m’lady.”

“If you’re sure you want this assignment?”

“I’m sure, m’lady.” The trill of his excitement tickled my psyche. It was so very odd to feel others’ emotions again. But Mya said she needed the shackles to keep everyone’s feelings from intruding on my own in order for me to understand and deal with my own emotions. She didn’t want the demons to get to me again.

“All right. You may accompany me to Diné,” I said.

Long Feather leapt to his feet. “Thank you, m’lady.”

I chuckled. “Before you dance in celebration, please have Nathan fetch me a hot pot of tea.”

“Yes, m’lady.” He bowed and left my office.

I couldn’t fault the young man’s confidence and enthusiasm. But my guilt crawled out of its hole and whispered I’d just condemned Long Feather to a very short life span.